What is your story and how does it fit into the larger societal story. Think of yourself as a pebble which just got dropped into a still pond. There is your ripple, and as they move out they include the birth family ripple, your friends ripple, the community you live in ripple, … your state, country/nationality, etc. etc. The ripples never stop and extend far beyond this place we call earth. Each ripple is an identity with its own story. If you have ever played in the bathtub, a pond, or sat by an enclosed bay you know the ripples will bounce off each other creating a “chop” or chaotic wave pattern. This is how life is; we are each one ripple in the mighty waves of the much greater ocean.
So what if you wish to change your story or perhaps you have a certain view of your story and everyone else has theirs. For instance, you see yourself as an easy going, creative person with a deep insight into the workings of the world and your family and perhaps friends see you as a mentally ill, free loader with their head in the clouds all the time. We each have a story. Just how these stories mesh is not always neat and smooth. Any teenager can tell you that! The real question is does their version of your story matter to you? The answer I stick with is; “what you think of me is none of my business”, however, it does matter in the big scheme of things. Not so much to you but to them. How you think of another, you actually believe about yourself. So their story of you reflects back on them. All you can do is accept them for who they present and get on with living your life.
The dynamics of relationships can get complicated really fast, just as the ripples do in the bathtub. It’s not your task to calm the waves. Your task is to ride them out and forgive those who trespass against you. Your task is to support your own story and allow them to have theirs. Just don’t be fooled into thinking you can change your story without also affecting theirs!!
Coming out for any reason sends shock waves in all directions. It is like doing a cannonball right in the middle of the pool! The reason does not matter, it could be coming out as gay, transgender, having some disease, being mentally ill, or even harboring radial beliefs. If your inner circle does not also relate then your story change will exclude them. It is like the repulsion of a magnet. With time it is possible for alignment to occur, if and only if, they accept your story.
One could say it is just a story. Why do you want to mess up my story by changing yours? This is not fair to the rest of us. I call this an invitation to take a guilt trip, but to take this trip you must first buy a ticket. There is no need to give in to others. We can all have a story (and do) and still respect others and their story (this is up to you). So the plot changes from time to time. Plot twists make it all the more interesting!
It is never ‘just’ a story. Your story is vital to the workings of this world and without it we are all diminished. Think of yourself as one candle and everyone else each being a candle. Together we are as bright as the sun, removing one candle diminishes the whole or to put it another way, quoting Dinotopia, one of my favorite stories, “One raindrop raises the sea.”
Sequoia Elisabeth :-)